


The Totally True Tales of Capt. Oats and Lt. Barley

by misterkevo



Category: The OC
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-22
Updated: 2012-10-22
Packaged: 2017-11-16 19:41:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/543129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misterkevo/pseuds/misterkevo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seth tells Ryan a bedtime story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Totally True Tales of Capt. Oats and Lt. Barley

**Author's Note:**

> Written the day of the show's series finale.

Skrrrrrrritch, skritchskritchskritchskritch. Skritch, skritch. …Skritch.  
  
Ryan’s eyes snapped open. He was generally a pretty heavy sleeper. Growing up where he did, he had become accustomed to sleeping through the odd, distracting night sounds of Chino, like a raucous party down the street or a passing police siren. Trey used to tell Ryan he’d once slept through a drive by. Considering the source, though, it was highly possible that this was a lie.  
  
But tonight, **tonight** , for some reason, he could not fall asleep over the gentle sounds of Seth’s pencil scratching at his sketch pad. No. Not gentle. Loud. Very, very loud. And distracting. Why did Seth have to draw in bed anyway? Wasn’t that why Ryan spent two hours putting together his new drawing desk, so that he’d have somewhere to work?  
  
“Seth,” Ryan grunted.  
  
“What’s up, baby?” Seth mumbled.  
  
“Don’t call me that,” Ryan said, rolling over toward his boyfriend. Seth was sitting cross-legged, back against the headboard, head inclined toward the pad.  
  
“Is there a title you’d rather I call you by?” he asked, never taking his eyes off the drawing, never taking his hand off the page. “Stud muffin? Stallion? Hot sex monkey?”  
  
Ryan grinned tiredly. “That one works,” he said.  
  
“I hoped you’d like it,” Seth replied, pleased. “Um, why are you awake? Don’t you have to be up at, like, six, or something?”  
  
“Five,” Ryan corrected him. “And I would be asleep if someone wasn’t keeping me up by drawing in my bed.”  
  
“Hey, that’s **our** bed, my hot sex monkey,” Seth contended. “Have you tried warm milk?”  
  
“Have you tried turning off the light?” Ryan shot back.  
  
“Now, see, I would,” Seth said. “But I’m in a really good groove right now.”  
  
“Then can you move over to your desk?”  
  
“Ooh,” Seth sighed. “I don’t know, man. Like I said, there’s the whole groove thing. I’m worried that if I get up or move or so much as breathe wrong, I’ll lose my train of thought or sight or whatever sort of train you’re on when you’re drawing. Whatever. There’s a train involved, and I don’t wanna mess with that.”  
  
Ryan groaned. Seth was babbling. That usually meant he was nervous, confused, or attempting to distract. In this case, it was the last one.  
  
 _Well,_ Ryan thought. _Two can play that game._  
  
“Tell me a bedtime story,” he demanded.  
  
Seth laughed. “Are you serious?”  
  
“Yeah,” Ryan answered. “If you’re going to keep me awake, it’s the least you should do.”  
  
For a moment, the scratching paused. Seth even looked up. His eyes squinted thoughtfully. Then he saw something on the dresser that made his eyes light up. Ryan followed his gaze. Standing there on the bureau, looking as majestic as ever, was Captain Oats.  
  
“Okay,” Seth consented. “I’ve got an idea. Are you ready?”  
  
Shifting under the covers to get into a more comfortable position, Ryan nodded. He smiled widely, boyishly.  
  
“I’m ready.”  
  
Seth cleared his throat in a loud and theatrical way, and began:  
  
“Once upon a time…”  
  
Ryan snorted.  
  
“What?”  
  
“‘Once upon a time’?” Ryan quoted back.  
  
“What?” Seth asked defensively. “That’s the way you’re supposed to start a bedtime story. Now do you want to hear this or not?”  
  
Ryan remained silent, and so Seth began again.  
  
“Once upon a time, there was a horse named Captain Oats. Captain Oats lived in a place called the Newport Ranch. He had two parents, a kind mother with a beautiful blond mane and a father whose mane was bushy and completely out of control. They loved Captain Oats very much, but still he was very sad, because he did not have any friends. The other horses called him names like ‘nelly’ and peed in his saddle.  
  
“Poor Oats was beginning to think he’d never find a friend.  
  
“Then, one day, Oats’ dad brought home a troubled stray named…” Seth paused. Then, smiling, he concluded, “Lieutenant Barley.”  
  
“Don’t you mean Major Barley?” Ryan interrupted.  
  
“Watch it, or it’ll be Warrant Office Barley,” Seth warned.  
  
Ryan pondered this, and said, “Point taken.”  
  
“So, as I was saying,” Seth continued. “Oats’ dad brought home a troubled stray named Lieutenant Barley. Barely did not come from a nice ranch like Newport. At first, Oats’ mom was worried about having him around. She thought he might be a bad influence on Oats. But Oats didn’t. In fact, from the very moment they met, Oats knew that he and Barley would be best friends.”  
  
“Did they go on all sorts of adventures?” Ryan asked.  
  
“Boy did they!” Seth replied. “In fact, their first night together, Oats and Barley went to a pony party together and Barley saved Oats from a bunch of mean Polo horses. Then, another time, they went to Horse Vegas and accidentally picked up some mare hookers, so they had to play a game of horseshoes to win the money to pay for them.”  
  
“You are really going all out on this horse metaphor,” Ryan observed.  
  
“What horse metaphor, man?” Seth scoffed. “These are the true stories of Captain Oats and Lieutenant Barley. Just for that I’m not telling you about Horsemukkah.”  
  
Biting back laughter, Ryan said, “You’re right, I’m sorry. Please continue.” He smiled tenderly. “Were Captain Oats and Lieutenant Barley just good friends?”  
  
“Well,” Seth said. “They were, at first. Oats and Barley were totally best friends. Very close. Almost brothers even. But there was this long standing sexual tension between the two of them. That was the other thing Oats knew from the very moment they met: that Lieutenant Barley looked **damn** good in a wifebeater saddle.”  
  
This time Ryan did laugh.  
  
“So what did they decide to do about this sexual tension?”  
  
“The only thing two stallions **can** do, my friend and lover,” Seth told him. “They did it. And it was awesome.”  
  
“Was it?” Ryan grinned.  
  
“Oh yeah,” Seth replied. “It was no surprise, really. Lieutenant Barley was a total stud. And Captain Oats. Well the Captain is just a love machine.”  
  
“I’ve heard that about the Captain,” Ryan said. “What happened after that?”  
  
Seth smiled benevolently.  
  
“Why, Ryan,” he concluded. “They, of course, lived happily ever after.” After a pause for dramatic effect, Seth asked, “What did you think?”  
  
Over a yawn, Ryan told him, “I liked it.”  
  
“And it looks like it did the trick, too,” Seth observed. “All right, buddy. Time for you to hit the hay.”  
  
“How much longer are you going to be talking in horse metaphors?” Ryan wondered, rolling back over on his side.  
  
“For as long as they will last me,” Seth answered.  
  
Closing his eyes, Ryan found that Seth was right. The story had done the trick. His mind was at ease, and the distractions were no more. Still, there was something missing. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but…  
  
Oh, yeah.  
  
“Seth?”  
  
“Yes, my hot sex monkey?”  
  
“Can I have a goodnight kiss?”  
  
Ryan couldn’t see Seth’s reaction. But he could hear it. He heard Seth put his pencil down. He heard it placed gently on the nightstand. Then he felt Seth lean over him. Ryan turned his head to find Seth’s face inches from his own. He leaned up slightly and pressed his lips to the other man’s.  
  
There was the happy ending he was looking for.  
  
Seth pulled back and smiled down at him.  
  
“Goodnight, Captain Oats,” Ryan said.  
  
“Goodnight, Lieutenant Barley.”  
  
  
\- the end -

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea rattling around in my head for almost two years before I actually wrote it. This fandom really meant a lot to me, and I couldn't possibly let the show end without commemorating it somehow.


End file.
